can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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