let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
