Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
