you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
