Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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