also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize