I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
