how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
