its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
