everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
