I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
