Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
