I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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