meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
