Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
