just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
