I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize