what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize