I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
