Nicole vs. Life
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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