He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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