i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize