i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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