i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
