I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
