i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
