I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
