walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize