She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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