420 ftw
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
