i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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