Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
