So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
