thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
