It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
