I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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