if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I forget how to act sober
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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