Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
