so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you will always have a special place in my vag
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
