This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize