You're completely useless in the revolution.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
