I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
