I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
