I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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