this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
