I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
