I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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