Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
