It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
