I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
