i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
