I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
