Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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