Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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