I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
