Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
