Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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