i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
