I have demons in me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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