nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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