We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
