The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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