you would pick up someone in the library
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
