Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
