So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
