You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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