i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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