My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
