Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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