Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
