he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize