i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
