I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
