I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
