ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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