in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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