i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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