I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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