You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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