i just had sex bonerless
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
