Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
