if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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