dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
