it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize