Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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