Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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