i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize