Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
