Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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