just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
