i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
