Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my poor anus
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
