Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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