Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
