it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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