the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
