Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
