I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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