so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
