think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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