Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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