I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
