Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
