i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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