Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate all girls vehemently.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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