I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
These tits shall not be calmed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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