He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
