dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
